and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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