and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
