my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This is my gift to your gina
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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