Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
