My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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