I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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