Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
do herpes really smell.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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