I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Terrible idea I love it
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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