The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
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Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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