You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
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So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......