my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
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I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
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I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.