i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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