So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.