I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
