That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
