So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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