I wish I could punch you in the face.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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