Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
