John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
