is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
the liver wants what the liver wants
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
