hotel room ftw
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
