you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
