i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
