im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
