so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
