I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
