I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
