I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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