I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
