Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
