Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
