I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
