dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
