Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
