Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
