Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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