Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
