I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
