just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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