i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
