Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
