guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
