Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
