Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
