i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
