hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
