I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
