Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
