I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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