My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i will never coherently bang her
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
