I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
