look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
