haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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