so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
