i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
