I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
