I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
