Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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