also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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