ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
