We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
sex in a hospital.. check
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
