Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
