I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
