He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
