You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
