The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
