Do vagina's smell?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
