i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
God I need to hump something, right now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
