ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
