I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
