I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
