You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
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I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
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He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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