Well douche your snatch and let's go!
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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