My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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