Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
