Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
