if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
