Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
