did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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